Getting a Job!

There was a time when people went from one office to another looking for a job. Government jobs were the 'in' thing. Things have changed these days. People have the luxury of staying back at home and finding jobs at the click of a button. Want a hearty laugh....go read a resume! Here are some things that I had come across in a few of them

• One said "College topper in: Business Ethics".... thank god he dint mention he was runner up in sack race!
• Another said "Prior work exp: One month and 12 days ".....I wonder why he dint mention how many hours he worked too. Looking at his attention to detail, he should be a Janitor!
• Another set of Individual have this tendency to write in resumes what they intend to do in the futur...like this one who said "Certifications: planning to do CFA & FRM(Already got prospectus)"
• Typos are a real big source of fun. For instance one lady mentioned this on her resume "Career break in 2001 to renovate my 'horse'"
• Social service constitute a good part of the resume these days. One gentleman mentions "Voluntary work: taking care of elderly and vegetable people"
• When we talk about penning a resume, some people just go by the flow "Skills: Strong work ethic, attention to detail, good communicator, team player, self motivated, attention to detail" this resume just got lengthier by one line!
• Not always do email addresses match the candidate's name. A few queer email IDs that I have come across: cooldude69, blackbeautywithatwist, youragony. One guy however had a very good reason too; it said 'ihatemyname'.
• Job changes often have a hidden motive. Some people give it away easily, for instance one resume stated "married, three children, prefer frequent travel"
• Putting thoughts in words is too tough, isn't it? "Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer"
• Team work reaches a new level altogether "I can play well with others"
• And then there are others who have rare skills. One resume mentioned this on the resume: "Dealing with customer conflicts that arouse"

Next time you get hold of a resume, make sure you read it....and read it well! Or maybe be relook at your own!

Bourse Talk

"Hey man, Sensex is up again, stock X had great intrinsic value, should have bought em when they were undervalued"

Typically what we hear from our all knowing stock market enthusiasts. A few years back, when I had no clue what the stock markets were and how they make money, I used to wonder "who the hell is putting the numbers, people are buying what? I always looked in awe when someone spoke about stocks. Years later, when i really know how all this works, I came to the following conclusion:

• Bull market: A random market movement causing an investor to think himself as a financial genius!

• Stock market: A place where people make money by buying and selling nothing.(stock certificates are a thing of the past)

• Speculator: Someone who got lucky (pretty often)

• Investor: The guy who always wonders why he made less money than a speculator.

• Bear Market: A frequent reminder that nothing is permanent!

• Share Holder: A person who wanted to own a company, but never could afford one.

• Shares: A proof that proves nothing.

• Mutual Funds: An instrument that doesn't make the holder feel like a lone loser! You got company.

• Market Crash: Hasha....pushaa....we all fall down.

Well, this is in simple words what happens in a stock market. Fact is very few people understand it; and the people who do think "what the hell?"